Welcome

Welcome to blog that is dedicated in memory of my boyfriend Philip Nelson he's dog Spike and Philip's friend Roy Harries.
You can read My True Story about Philip in posts from 1-8 on left side.
Or listen to some of the songs I have chosen to put here:




This Song I dedicate to GOD Our CREATOR
Thank You God For This Gift Of Life
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ch7txUjCmiA

This beautiful song with message to See All Life Connected as One in Love and Respect Mother Nature
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbuzskVs6rc&feature=related

Next songs are dedicated to Politicians and Dreamers like Me;
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=okd3hLlvvLw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MLsdJlfA23E&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQ_Zq_b4sBc&feature=related

8- My posts after Brendan lost leadership.

I like to share here some of my replays that I posted in another website COL


Dear One Heart
Today 16 September 08 has added new development to this saga.
Last night Full Moon was conjunct Uranus planet of unexpected change.

Well Brendan was not expecting this as it was in his 8 house of ending and new beginning.
He kind of resigned his position but was sure that he will be reelected this morning, but he lost and now no longer is leader of Liberal party.
That news is welcomed by me. Loving you

This replay I posted on 19 September 2009
Dear One Heart
I come back here to this post after another year has gone and new development for Brendan accrued.
I can see better now the purpose I was guided to write and post the information's about Brendan and about Philip.
As I written here a year ago Brendan lost his political position as the leader of previous conservative- Liberal Party which held power for 12 years before last election.

I never supported that party as it has been a force that works with rich and gives back to rich and puts ordinary people more in chains of slavery to big corporations.
That is why I was also writing those letters to Brendan when he switched from Labor party and join in Liberals in 1995.
He was driven for personal ego and got his Power status when he become leader of the opposition after last election.
But since last year when he lost his big job and become back bencher he's aspiration to become future Prime Minister was crushed.
Now exactly a year later and with the Saturn Uranus opposition here is the higher purpose in this saga of Brendan's carrier. He doesn't have idea that he had no chance to become Prime Minister especially representing Liberal party, they are going down and they will not win any near future elections.

Last month after his birthday Brendan announced his resignation from political arena and this week he finished his job in Parliament.

Next day just before New Moon there was news in TV that our current Prime Minister from Labor Party Kevin Rudd offered Brendan ex-Liberal a job as Ambassador to UN and NATO.
So finally Brendan is on the right track but not out of his Ego Power trip.

here is the news story you can watch and read also you can read it below:

http://news.ninemsn.com.au/national/864571/rudd-makes-nelson-his-man-in-europe

I may contact him and congratulate him as well as I feel guided to give him the fifth Anastasia book to read. I feel he may open more to spiritual side as his progressed Sun went now into his 12 house.

I still have his privet mobile number he gave me long time ago but I rung him only once many years ago. After that I never rung him again so don't know if this number will work. But if I am meant to contact him next week than I will find a way..... Loving you

News article from 17 September 09

The Rudd government will make Brendan Nelson its new high-level envoy in Europe, sending a signal that Australia is serious about the relationship.

Prime Minister Kevin Rudd announced on Thursday that Dr Nelson would next February become Australia's ambassador to the European Communities, Belgium and Luxembourg.

In addition, the former defence minister and Liberal leader will take on extra responsibilities as Australia's representative to the North Atlantic Treaty Organisation and the World Health Organisation.
The appointment is part of the Rudd government's efforts to boost Australia's relationship with Europe, which was seen as flagging under the Howard government.
Just months after winning government, Mr Rudd made a crucial visit to Brussels to illustrate the importance Australia attached to the relationship with Europe.

"(This appointment) will underpin the importance we attach to the relationship, at the economic, foreign policy level and, in terms of NATO, the security policy level," Mr Rudd told reporters.

Another consideration in Dr Nelson's appointment was the continuing challenges the coalition partners, mostly NATO members, were facing in Afghanistan.

"Having a representative in Brussels who is a former defence minister and who knows the political and policy terrain in Afghanistan well commended (Dr Nelson) for that position," Mr Rudd said.
Dr Nelson's past life as a medical doctor was a factor in the WHO role, which Mr Rudd said would be useful when dealing with global pandemics.
In his new position, Dr Nelson will be charged with selling the Rudd government's climate change policy.
While his views on an emissions trading scheme don't mirror those of Labor, Dr Nelson said it wouldn't be a problem.
"My job, obviously, will be to represent Australia's interests and the priorities of the Australian government," he said.
The announcement of the plum diplomatic role came on Dr Nelson's last day in federal parliament.
He will retire from federal politics at the end of this month after 13 years in the game.
Like Kim Beazley, who was named as Australia's next ambassador to Washington on Thursday, Dr Nelson has the relatively rare distinction of being appreciated by both sides of politics.
Mr Rudd said he had needed a person of "distinction and great experience" to undertake the important new role.
The government intends Dr Nelson to work closely with Australia's ambassador in Vienna to advance the nation's engagement with the Organisation on Security and Co-operation in Europe.
The OSCE works on issues such as arms control, counter-terrorism and conflict prevention and resolution.
Dr Nelson's colleagues welcomed his appointment.
Malcolm Turnbull, who succeeded him as Liberal leader, said Dr Nelson would bring the same "dedication and distinction" to diplomacy that he had brought to politics.
"After six years as a cabinet minister and a distinguished medical career before entering politics, Dr Nelson is well qualified for the appointment," he said in a statement.

Opposition foreign affairs spokesman Julie Bishop, who was Dr Nelson's deputy, said he was ideally suited to the new role.

"He is a person of great intellect and integrity and I have no doubt he will excel in this role," she said.


Another response I wrote on 20 September 2008

Yes I like your analogy to Leopards- and I wonder too.

But on a positive side I saw Brendan in that dream than together with me and Philip on that Golden shining Beach, so perhaps he was meant to do all those things and have experienced being in opposing Party.
Like the Saturn in opposition to Uranus in order to learn from the experience. Now starting new journey making new relations-Juno and brigs changes for the future working united together.

Saturn transit around zodiac is around 29 years, so in 1995 when Brendan was joining Liberals Saturn was conjunct Uranus( I am going to check this in Canopus).

Now Saturn in opposition starts new 14 year journey towards Uranus building new relationships on a wide world level.

As for Brendan he is on a mission and everyone deserves second chance (even if they stuffed up first) so I am willing to forgive his past misguided actions and support his future work but as you said watch his actions with interest.
Loving you

7- Replay to my post from friends.

Dear Music Heat

I could do all this and not post it here but I need to follow my inner as it is for higher reason I may not be fully aware yet.

If you like you can copy all this now into your computer as it may be wiped out in the future.

There is bigger picture that I am becoming aware and I just play my role as I feel guided to.


Dear Music Heart remember Joseph said; we are actors playing those roles we judge the role actor is in. So lets see how this will play itself out.


Philip wants me to put here another post as he wants to show that he was a thoughtful person. So as to say he knew for what he was doing.


He is saying now to have trust that he would never put me in a situation that would danger my life.

Because some people are getting wrong picture thinking that he did this when we become lovers. But I will show in the next post that it is not so.


He has chosen to be my guardian and he will protect me and he is great full that I give him this opportunity to teach his family values about love and commitment.

Loving you

6- My Letters to Brendan

I feel guide to bring here some more in relation to Philip and Brendan Nelson.

Here is my letter I send to Brendan in July 1995 after I read his article in Woman’s Day.

Hello Brendan

I hope you don’t mind me sending you this big letter. It’s a collection of 3 letters I wrote since the 21 of May. Now I felt guided again to send them all to you.

I do not intend to hurt anybody but I need to express these thoughts on paper for you to read and evaluate.
I only want to show you another point of view to consider. I wish to tell you my story and share some of my experiences.

After reading your story in the Sunday Telegraph on the 21. 5. I asked Philip’s Spirit what he thought about euthanasia?

“PEOPLE SHOULD HAVE FREEDOM TO CHOOSE HOW THEY WILL DIE

BUT OTHER PEOPLE SHOULD NOT DECIDE FOR THEM HOW THEY WILL DIE”

That was the response he gave me in answer to my question.


On the 9th of March in My dream You, Philip and I went to a beautiful beach and there was a bright gold light shining. The next day I sent a letter to Philip. While wondering if my letter would reach him in time I heard voice say: ‘You will see him and he is going to be fine”. Two hours later Philip rang and asked me to come to hospital in South port.

My dream come true two days later I went to the Gold Coast and you went there on Sunday a week later.

Philip was terrified that he may not survive the treatment that he so much wanted and believed in. He panicked and became defensive as he usually did when something was imposed on him. He wanted to rebelliously escape and to end it all displayed by his behaviour on Sunday.


When I come he said:’ I AM GOING TO HELL’. I responded with:’ I WANT LET YOU BECAUSE I’M GOING TO HEAVEN AND YOU ARE COMING WITH ME’.

I went to Philip because I wanted to be with him and help him in any way I could.

He needed ‘one-to-one’ support. Hospitals are run like army camps, and with all the rules and regulations, patients become objects fitted into the schedule of routine work, no emotions, and no love.

 I wanted to stay with him at night, to be there when he woke up, but your mother did not allow me to and used the rules and regulations as an excuse. During that night Philip fell down and bruised his back which added even more discomfort and pain.

In the morning I went to chapel to pray and read a message in the bible about speaking the truth. After breakfast Philip was upset and impatient with your mum for delay.


When she went to make a phone call, I told him not to blame her, because the doctor was not going to put him on the machine for treatment. He said’ I left it for too long”.

I explained that it wasn’t his fault. He was calm about the truth but needed to be sure and asked your mother and Carl. I heard them talking about euthanasia. When you rung, Philip asked me to talk to you about this subject. That night I had another dream about you and Philip, but I did not tell your family about this one. Maybe I’ll tell you one day.


At breakfast your mother said that you could not do it, so before you spoke to Philip I told him ‘Brendan doesn’t want to risk his position, - I understand he said.

This subject was important to Philip and he later asked the other doctor if he knew someone who would do it for him. The doctor did not hesitate and told him that he would do it for him. It was Philips best birthday present even though your TV message pleased him. He said it was nice of you to do this. He was relieved to know that he had an option if the worst were to come.

 That evening on his birthday, he sat in bed and asked me to help him select vitamins and medicines. He wanted to live like a new born. He released his protection shield from his emotions, opened his heart and wrote cards to his family.

He held me and for the first time he admitted that he loved me that I deserved to be loved and he wanted to be with me. He forgave me for being jealous of Harmony, and said that she wasn’t the friend he thought she was.


In the next two days he become stronger, more loving and relaxed. Your family said it was because of me, but it was the love and emotional support from his family and friends. Medicine treats physical conditions, but human love, support and honesty work with emotional healing which in turn can change physical well-being if desired by individual.



When I told Philip that I had to go back to Sydney he begged me to stay, but I explained that my children needed me too. On my way back to South port I had another dream of Philip and Tracey. When I returned to the hospital your mother gave me a lecture and told me that she is his mother and she comes first. Her possessive nature was taking over. I was disappointed and regretful that I left him. It was hard to understand what he was saying, but we communicated without words.


That afternoon your mother took me shopping. While she was at the chemist buying medicine, I bought Philip a bunch of pink roses. He put his whole face into the flowers and smelt them for a long time. That evening she didn’t allow me to stay with him again. I was very upset leaving him there. The next morning while I was holding his hands, I felt his thought say ‘Look, the body is not responding, so I have to go now, tell my mother that I love her. Thanks for the roses, put plenty of roses in my coffin’.


He left his body in our presence, your mother first like she wanted to be, and me last to whom he gave his love. Philip and I never had a paper saying that we were married, but by the universal law we were bonded by the love we had. I was his friend and lover and sometimes he called me ‘mum’. Many other things occurred but I have chosen not to write them here. But some strong feelings about your mother I have to express.


I know how much you love her and I respect her strong will and determination, but I didn’t like the way she manipulated, swayed people to her advantage.

Lucky for me I realised many things in that short time. It opened my eyes and helped me understand what Philip felt in his life. He was fighting for his right to choose to be accepted for his choices. She never truly accepted his choices or his friends and she told me herself that she had a problem with me. She pretended to be my friend like ‘bad wolf’ but took of her sheep skin the moment I didn’t do what she wanted.


She told me that I could not put my flowers into the coffin. I ignored her and took one of the 3 bundles I bought for him. I responded to Philips will. I don’t care for people who are not my true friends from the heart and I feel sorry for people who are greedy, possessive, domineering and dishonest. ‘Do unto others and others will do unto you in the future”. It is universal law of karma. Our future is based upon our present actions and our present is a result of our past. By pretending, we let “Philip” think that we done what he wanted but we’ll do it our way is against his freedom.

Parents do this to their children and later children abuse this power as adults. Sometimes they even think that they have right to play God, without understanding God’s love and universal law of freedom to choose.



I was inspired to write this after reading the article in the Woman’s Day (12 June)

The headline struck me:

BRENDAN NELSON”S PRIVET AGONY

MY BROTHER SAID HELP ME DIE



Philip’s spirit re-arranged the letter ‘S’ and show it to me this way:

“MY BROTHERS AID HELP ME DIE” and this way:

“MY BROTHER AIDS HELP ME DIE”

Than he said:

‘I have my picture in the paper now I want them to tell the TRUTH”.

He went on saying:

“They never listened what I said, they never truly accepted who I was. It was my pain, my suffering and my agony that was used to their advantage. That’s not on!”


Philip’s soul is highly evolved, and came into this life to learn many lessons, one of which was to have respect for life. He tried so hard to save his life. I believe that he paid his karma for perhaps committing suicide in last incarnation, when he was a racing driver.


Souls are like actors choosing to play different roles in this physical reality, human drama. If the actor plays a character that is weak, poor or stupid it is only to recognise those aspects as experiences. It is not who the actor is. Often evolved souls will come to experience hard lessons like suffering because they are strong enough to play such roles. People tend to judge actor’s roles and create karma for themselves.


Philip’s spirit is alive and is still playing here on Earth, helping those who helped him. Supporting us achieve our desires. Sometimes he shows his point of view, but allows for freedom of choice, accepting and loving unconditionally. It was important for Philip’s spirit to have this place (where he lived) while he is still attached to this Earthly reality to fulfil his desires.


That is why he helped Roy get his (Philip’s) place to live. I remember that Roy wanted to give up the fight at some stage but stronger impulses made him change his mind.

Once Philip’s spirit expressed to me that he thought you were not doing enough to help Roy, and he was upset that he may have to live at another place where Roy used to live. Finally someone got you to respond and because of your influence it helped him get back his place to live.


He as a spirit influenced the thoughts of some people to help you get the 3 votes, realising your desires. It wasn’t accidental that I send you 3 photos in last letter.

I promised to Philip in hospital to look after Roy. I do it talking to him on the phone almost every day. I have been visiting Roy every week since Philip died. Roy is trying to protect me; he doesn’t want the family to know much about me. I’m not happy about this because it creates wrong picture which is not true.

I see Roy like a father to me. We spend Easter Monday when he told me that you asked about me and he told you that he didn’t see me. I helped him move into Philip’s place. Roy invited me to see the ‘Hello Dolly’ show on his birthday. I slept on Philip’s couch that night, as I wanted to see if I would have any special dreams of Philip. I often go there because I feel Philip’s presence stronger there. I know he is there.


Philip once told me that when everybody left him, Roy was the only one who stayed and helped him. I know that Roy looked after Philip well, I seen it. Philip knew and I know that Roy deserves to be appreciated for his help and the support he gives. He opens his heart in trust to people than he regrets and feels bitter because people don’t appreciate him, so he becomes secretive and distrustful with them.


I’m learning to accept people for what they are to see positive and negative but not to judge those expressions. It is much harder to accept negativity than appreciate positive aspects in others and in ourselves.

Maybe I am naive trusting truth and good in human nature, but its part of my learning experience in life. I also had my pain and sorrow and Philip wants me to tell my story the way it was the truth. I am truthful but some people can not take the truth. For what it was or is, it’s their choice and they often shut their eyes or ears or try to run away from it.


Some people will strongly try to hide the truth but there is very special beauty and light in the truth. No matter how much you suppress, it has it’s own way to come up to the surface and shine for all to see sooner or latter.


I know that I’m not ashamed, afraid or guilty for what I did, perhaps only lately regretful that I didn’t do more and that’s my truth.


How do you stand up on this issue in your life? If you can not be honest and face truth in family matters, how can you become an honest and trustful politician? Hiding reality, showing only one side of the coin, whichever convenient, most politicians do that. Aren’t you standing for new?

I strongly advise that if you haven’t seen the ‘JFK Story” movie with Kevin Costner, watch it, as it is dedicated to those people of the future who stand up for the truth and honesty not manipulation for selfish convenience of power.


In your numerology chart, which I’m sending you, it says that: you can use your eloquence and public speaking for the pursuit of social betterment, your personal power could lead you into situations where you may abuse that power. Materialism can overcome your better judgements and you can become retaliatory and cruel, if crossed you are ready to fight. Your key words are impatience, honesty, determination and confidence. I say ‘be a lover not a fighter’. Read those numerology pages as I’m sure you will find truth and inspiration there for your future actions.


The letters ‘B’,’K’, T’ are lucky for you and associations with people who have this letter in their name are purposeful.

I included my life lesson which shows why I’m doing all this, and who I am. I find it interesting and true. I gave you a lot to read but your personal vibration shows that after your birthday you will have more time to read rest and reflect on life.

Today’s message is a reminder from my first letter:’ it’s not winning or loosing but how honestly the game is played”. I see many tests ahead of you still before higher realms decide to give you a’ Big Job’. Spiritual Elders know a design for life on Earth. Many of us choose to participate to fulfil such plan, but before we are consciously ready for such job, we are tested on our abilities in handling such responsibilities. I see that you are tested how you deal with a little issue a family affair like fulfilling Philip’s in trusted will as an executor.

If you are unable to respect and fulfil the wishes of your brother, how will you be able to handle the universal affair representing people who are cheated by big boys with lots of money and power? How you play the game will have an impact on the life in the future.


Honestly answer to yourself one question. Have you respected and fulfilled the will and job appointed by Philip and realised his wishes or have you manifested the wishes of other people you know who manipulated you to use your power in executing what was convenient for them?

Its long question so simply – Have you done what Philip wanted you to do or you have done what others told you to do?


Philip’s spirit said again-“They never listened to me when I was alive, they don’t listen to me now and did not listen to my will after I was gone, I will not stop until my will is done, and they will pay for it”. Some people think that because the physical body is gone that is the end to it, well it’s not finished yet”.


Do you honestly think that Philip’s funeral should have been paid from the gift which Philip left for Roy in his Will? There were other gifts: the motorbike and Van which legally were not excluded from being sold and money from their sale used to pay his debts.

I don’t think that Philip lied when he told some people that he sold the motorbike to you and that you owed him $3000 and that he prepaid for his funeral. You made a deal to hide this arrangement from your wife, so in the Will he wrote ‘gift”.

 I know Philip liked to have things in order. He knew he was dying for a long time and he had time to make the necessary arrangements. Except that those arrangements were not executed by other people who were greedy and possessive.

Things obtain thru manipulation will never bring luck.


Everybody knows that the law in Australia stinks. With your family knowledge of the law and politics you decided to pay for the funeral from the gift which was given to the poorest Roy.

He has chosen to be the sacrificial lamb to help you learn your lesson in honesty and responsibility.

In the future if this is how you are going to represent the population and help divide the wealth, big for rich and nothing to those who deserve it, sorry I’m not going to vote and either will many others. Your heart has to be the voice of right and wrong, not being manipulated or swayed by others for their convenience and power.


I remember when I talked to you on the phone from South port, you said to me:’ you are doing a great job there”. I said nothing to your praise, because I only did what my heart felt was right.

I’m sorry to say that I can’t praise you for what you have done with the Will. I don’t think you have done a good job there. This is my point of view which is also shared by other people.


You may think that this is not true that I’m wrong. If so then accept my apology with love and light. B


Ps. I am not your enemy I feel and call you my Brother (in law not to be). If you wish I would like to hear from you. If not, please put trust in Life beyond, it will help you greatly. Start listening to Philip, he loves you and will guide you through books or intuitive thoughts.

God bless you and your family with love & light Barbara

5-Philip's & Roy's letter to Brendan

This is a 3 page letter that Roy Harries written on 4 August 1995 when he felt presence of Philips spirit telling him to write this letter. Roy asked me if he should send it to Brendan.

After I read the letter I knew it was how Philip would express his feelings when he was angry.
I told Roy that he should send it. I asked Roy if I can have a copy of this letter and here it is:



Dear Brendan

You once asked me if I got any messages from Philip to let you know.

Well I did in the morning of the 4 August.

I was fast asleep in a deep state of rest, was very warm in bed, when I was brought out of the deep sleep by feeling icy cold, I was in a type of slumber so I moved, by doing so I felt the warmth come back, and started to go back to sleep. When I felt the icy cold again, this time I could fell Philip talking to me:- Get up I want you to write a letter.

Than I said to him I’ll do it in the morning.

‘NO HE SAID, DO IT NOW, YOU WILL FORGET

AND I WILL NOT BE HERE IN THE MORNING’.

I got up, the time was 2-30 AM and this is what he told me to write to you,

I am only his messenger here.

Friday Morning 4 August 2-30 AM



BRENDAN

YOU ARE A BLOODY IDIOT AND HAVE LOST THE PLOT. I COULD

HAVE BEEN A GREAT HELP TO YOU BUT YOU WISHED NO TO BELIEVE.
I WILL NOW STAND BACK AND OBSERVE YOU MAKE A FOOL OF YOURSELF.

YOU AND THE WHOLE FAMILY ARE MAKING HELL FOR YOURSELVES AND WILL NOT FIND PEACE UNTIL YOU ALL REALISE WHAT WRONG YOU HAVE DONE, MAKING OTHERS SUFFER THROUGH YOUR GREED.

IF YOU THINK YOU ARE SMART THINK AGAIN SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT WHEN

I DIED THAT WAS IT
WRONG  WRONG WRONG.

I WILL NOT REST UNTIL I HAVE SEEN YOU ALL RECTIFY YOUR MISTAKES.

MY LOVING FRIENDS ARE DOING A FAR BETTER JOB THAN YOU.

WHY DIDN’T YOU CARRY MY WISHES. YOU HAVE A LOT TO ANSWER FOR NOW

FOOL, FOOL, FOOL.

NO BEING IS THAT SMART IN PHYSICAL FORM.

MY FRIENDS KNOW ALL YOU KNOW AS I AM IN TOUCH WITH THEM AND LET THEM

KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON.

WITH ALL YOUR BULL SHIT ON T.V. YOU WOULD NEVER MAKE AN ACTOR.

STICK TO WHAT YOU KNOW BEST NOT TRY TO BE A SOMEBODY
TRYING TO BE A SOMEBODY YOU BECOME A NOBODY.

BEFORE I WAS MADE TO LEAVE THIS PLANET I WAS TOLD OF YOUR FUTURE

AND WHAT I WAS TOLD IS NOW COMING TO PASS FOR FUCK SAKE LISTEN!



BE AWARE OF WHAT YOU THINK OF THE AFTER LIFE.

MY FRIENDS ARE NOT OUT TO GET YOU,
YOU WILL GET YOURSELF IN THE END
IF YOU DON’T RECTIFY THE FAMILY MISTAKES OR YOURS.

I AM SEEING MORE THAN YOU ALL CARE TO REALISE BE AWARE.


YOU ALL HAVE PROVED TO ME WHO YOU ARE SELFISH LOT OF BASTARDS.

YOU DID NOT CARE ABOUT ME OR SPIKE YOU MAY THINK YOU DID
YOU ALL HAVE PROVEN THIS TO ME AS I LIVE THROUGH ‘SPIKE’.

TAKE CARE MY EARTHLY BROTHER

I DO NOT WISH YOU HARM, OR MY FRIENDS, YOU WILL HARM YOURSELF

BE AWARE

PHILIP AND SPIKE 3.24 AM SPIKE IS NOT JUST A DOG

HE IS SPIRIT SEND TO TEST.



Here is the letter in original form:

Philip has progressed in his growth and this was expression soon after he died but he was very strong and still is.

On Saturday 15 March would be his birthday, so this is for him. I done this with love

4- Philip story part 2

Now this is part 2- of the story that I posted in COL on 12 March 2008




Here is some more what happened that is not in the letter that I wrote to Brendan in July 1995 after I read his article in magazine: Woman’s Day 12 June 1995


BRENDAN NELSON’S PRIVET AGONY


MY BROTHER SAID HELP ME DIE


In this article he actually admits to helping patients with terminal illness that was discussed with family members. And he said that he could be prosecuted for it.


Well there is nothing better than confession which is good for the soul.


On 14 March 1995 from hospital bed in South Port Philip told me to ring Brendan on his privet mobile number and ask if he can help Philip die.


When I talked to Brendan he said’ You know I can not do this’ and I trusted what he said.



On 15 March Philip got another idea, he told me he wanted to live because he wanted to be with me. Yes he changed his mind.


But 3 days later Brendan visited Philip in this hospital I was not there that weekend as I went back to Sydney to be with my children.

When I come back on Thursday 23 March Philip was very week and at lunch time his mother Patricia took me to local shopping centre. She was a registered nurse working for Adelaide hospital. She asked me to wait for her in front of a chemist where she went to get some prescribed medication.



That evening she told me to leave the room and go to sleep. I wanted to stay with Philip all night as I thought that he may die and I wanted to be near him. But she was very determent that I go.

Next morning when I come to his room he was in a sitting position supported by pillows. He was breading but his eyes were closed. I sat on the bed holding and massaging his hand when Patricia came in. She sat on the chair and started reading some magazines.


Than I saw that he opened one of his eyes and I heard his voice saying in my mind:


"Look my body is not responding, I have to go soon. Tell my mother I love her".


I started crying and did not tell her this straight away so he said again with a commanding voice:
TELL HER I LOVE HER.
So I turned to Patricia and told her what I just heard in my mind. She got up, stood next to him and touched his head when he took last breath.



Than his voice in my mind said ‘let’s get out of here’. So I left the room when the nurses come in. As I was walking the corridor he said’ Ring Roy’ and I saw at the end of the corridor telephone so I told Roy what happened. He was it Sydney taking care of Philips dog ‘Spike.



From hospital I went to the beach, walking, crying, and listening to songs. I was calming my emotions. When I returned to hospital room Philips sister Tracey, Father Dez and Patricia’s boyfriend arrived from Adelaide. They were driving all night and were disappointed that did not come earlier. Family arranged for cremation of Philips body on Monday. So we went to stay at the motel until Monday.


I felt Philip’s spirit presence that weekend, he was not in that dead body somewhere in the morgue and he was not in the body that went into flames. He was with us free & happy.

He had special’ dark sens of humour, so he was joking to me a lot that made me laugh. Sometimes in most inconvenient situations like during his funeral. In the evening Philips father drove me to the station in the Van. As the car was driving away I saw Philip seating on the passenger seat next to the driver, his elbow touching the bottom of open window.


His spirit drove with Family back to Sydney in Philips Van that in the Will he ‘gave’ to Eric, mum’s boyfriend.


Yes the pensioner Philip two weeks before his death gives away his big possessions and didn't pay for his funeral!!! Well he did what his mother wanted him to do.



Philip was not angry with her, he forgave her by saying’ Tell her I love her’.


He forgives but not forgets that she took his bank card and arranged with Brendan to take money and give nothing to Roy. She rung Roy one day and recorded her voice on answering machine saying that it was her who did this to him.
Here is Roy's will that he made with Philip giving possessions to each other and changed Philips Will .

3- Philip's Story part 1

I wrote this post in COL on 12 March 2008 and now share here.



Dear Hearts
Last few days have been so strange.I know that now is time for me to fulfil my promise to Roy and in a way to Philip as this will be evident to you in the letter I bring here from Philip to his Brother Brendan Nelson. All this will make more sens soon and is part of the plan design to be fulfilled.

In 1993 I was learning and practicing crystal balancing therapy and meditation as my hobby. My friend introduced me to Philip Nelson who had Aids and was experimenting with different unconventional therapy treatments to heal his body. We become friends and later lovers as our emotional connection grew stronger.
He was a patient at Prince Alfred hospital when his family arrived from Adelaide on 8 March and took him to change the will. On that day Philip introduced me to his family and we had some pictures taken before they took him back to hospital.

Philip told me that he sold his motor bike to Brendan and that he will pay more money later. He said that Brendan wanted to hide this transaction from his wife so in the ‘Will’ Philip wrote that he gave motor bike to him. Philip was also relived that he had now more money in the bank for his friend Roy who was taking care of dog Spike.

I was with Patricia, Philip’s mother in Gold Coast Hospital where Brendan put him to avoid press. Brendan came to visit Philip on Sunday19 March 95. On Wednesday 23 March Patricia went with me to chemist at local shopping centre to get some prescribed medication. That night she did not allowed me to stay in the room. Next morning I come first to his room and found that his body was still alive but not responding. He died around 8 am on 24 March 1995. I promised Philip that I would help Roy Harris and I did until he died.

Roy & I shared spiritual understanding about life after death. He came for group meditations that I held at my home. We talked about spirit guides and discus dreams.

Roy told me that few years earlier Philip and Roy had made wills giving the possessions to each other and that greedy Philips family made him to change the will. He gave me the copy of the wills after he accidentally found out that Philips bank account was closed and money withdrawn by Brendan.

Roy was a pensioner and dog Spike often needed medical attention that was expensive.

I was with Roy when Spike had to be put down and this was recorded by channel 9 morning show. Roy gave me that recording which shows the love he had for this dog.
Roy contacted legal centre who send letter to Brendan asking to restore founds in the bank.
Brendan send a replay but did not agree to restore the money.
One day Roy told me that he had a visit from Philip (spirit) at night and was told to write a letter to Brendan. When Roy showed me the letter I knew how Philip reacted when he was upset or angry and I was convinced of authenticity of this letter.

Roy send this letter to Brendan and gave me copy to keep. He also gave me other papers and documents asking that I write in the future about Philip & him. I am now fulfilling that promise I gave to Roy as I feel guided to share this information. I wrote untold story about Philip for Internet and it may be included in a book that will be published in future.
In 1995 after reading astrology chart of Brendan I told Patricia that he may become PM one day, she replayed sceptically that he would have to go to Federal Politics which he did two months later.

I wrote some letters to Brendan in 1995 showing my disappointment how he dealt with Roy.

I told him that ‘Winning or losing the game is much less important than the fairness with which it is played and that the heart has to be the voice of right and wrong.

As I watched speech Brendan made to the nation and heard him spoke about the book he was given in 1995 ‘Going Back” I thought of Philip & Roy how they should be apologised. Now is the time to go back to 1995 for Brendan Nelson and his family to reach in their hearts and say’ I am sorry.

Some people think that when person died that’s the end of the story but fortunately there is growing evidence and old written teaching that opens now people to awareness that there is more that meets the eye. Some have to be convinced of it like this.

2-In Memory of Philip

I wrote this and posted on another website COL on March 17 2008

This post is dedicated to 'Philip untold story".


I felt last week that Philip wanted me to write this post to show that he was thoughtful and our union was a result of my choice. This picture of Philip I took in 1993

That year my friend Alina rang me asking if I can do crystal balancing, for young man who had Aids.

I didn’t know much about aids than and I never met person who had Aids before but I had patients with cancer who got well so I wanted to help this man.

Philip came on his motor bike and as he walked in my lunch room I thought ‘what a waste’, he was young and good looking.


As we drunk coffee I asked him how he become infected he answered - thru blood transfusion. That satisfied my curiosity than but it was not the truth as he reviled truth later.


There was instant attraction but it was not in my mind to get involved with somebody who had Aids.
Philip was born on 15 March so his Sun conjunct my Moon in second house and his Moon was also there, his Mars was in my seven house. His Pluto and North Node conjunct my Sun in Eight House.


My Sun, Mars, Mercury and Pluto were also in his second house, my North Node conjunct his Jupiter in seventh. This shows that we had strong emotional connection.


Philip showed me where he lived and offered to take me riding on his motor bike. We soon become friends and often talked on the phone.


One day I had a crystal healing with another therapist and straight after that session I went to see Philip.


I felt as if something was lifted from me and I needed to be held in his arms. We kissed and cuddle but didn’t have sex than.


Some time later Philip brought me some reading material and said that I need to read this to know more about Aids and how it can be transmitted and so on. He wanted me to be educated about it if we were to become more intimate. I wanted to be with him but I still had reservations.


At that time friend gave me a small book about St Francis of Assisi. And in that book I read that Francis met “leper’ but he recognised that it was Jesus dressed as this beggar, so Francis without hesitation hug him.


This book was the braking point for me as I recognised the spirit inside Philip, dressed in his body and I released the fear as I knew that I would not get sick and that I was protected.


When we become lovers Philip told me how he got sick and more about his life. When he was young boy living in Adelaide he was molested by man in a public toilet. As a teenager he become rebellious and got involved in drugs and gang rape. He testified in court against his friends who were jailed.


Philip come to Sydney and become a male prostitute at popular Kings Cross suburb. He had some male relationships that took him out of that place and he was living for some time in Byron Bay.




Philip told me that he liked woman and was attracted to woman but found it hard to communicate with them. He said that it was much easier to have male friends. He told me that he like me and wanted to spend more time with me but we both were free to meet other people.


At that time I received from my mother 5 thousand dollars and I wanted to go to USA for a seminar. Philip suggested that we could use this money and travel around Australia.


But I had my mind set and I was going to San Francisco, on the way stopping in Kauai Island to see the largest crystal ‘Shiva lingam in Hindu Monastery.


At that time as my friendship with Philip was growing I was well attuned to my spirit guides and asked them why Philip chosen to be sick. My guide told me that in last incarnation Philip was a racing driver and committed suicide. Now in this life his soul was learning to value the life.


My guides never told me what to do. It was as if I was guided to make my own choices. They would always say that for whatever I choose was the right choice that there was no right or wrong choice it only served purpose.


When I was on the Kauai Island I wished that Philip was with me. I thought that if he would have come he could have been healed. But my guides told me that Philip will die around his birthday because there was another incarnation waiting for him. He departed week after his birthday but two years later.


Before Philip took me to the airport he gave me a bag full of condoms. I laugh and said that I was going on a spiritual journey not to sleep around and that I don’t need this. He insisted saying: you may meet someone there and you may get Aids and than you’re going to blame it on me.


And Philip was right because in Hawaii I meet Steven and last night on that Island I spend with him so it was useful having this protection with me.


When I come back from my journey one day I was sleeping in Philips home and dreamt that this gorgeous man with blond long hair that reminded me of Steven was carrying me on his hands into heaven.
When I woke up I said to Philip that I had wonderful dream, he asked if he was in it.
I answered: unfortunately not!
But only now 15 years after that dream I am wondering if it was Philips Spirit that I saw in this dream.


Before I met Philip I saw in a paper article about giant sculpture of a horseman being carved in the South Dakota Mountains. This mountain was transformed in memory of a ‘Crazy Horse’ Sioux Indian.

I cut out the article with the picture as it was reminding me of my spirit that I felt like riding white horse in my vision from 1988.


When I was with Philip I found in his draw the some article cut out of that newspaper, I was shocked and ask him how he got this article. Philip replayed that his friend Roy Harris gave him this article, and that Roy was shown in a vision that they were the Sioux Indians and that Philip was the Crazy Horse.


The story of Crazy Horse is well known in America as he was fighting for independence and Carter could not catch him. For me it was interesting that Crazy Horse had a wife who was sick and in order to help his wife he went to army trying to get medicine to heal her but he was captured and killed.


I wondered if there was connection from that life, why I was helping Philip to get well in this life.
Philip was a fighter, and he was getting angry or upset sometimes that was a challenge for me.


I remember that one day I called him’ Puff’ and he grabbed my hand, looked straight in my eyes and said:’ don’t you ever call me that because I am not!’
I think that our relationship was important in helping him choose who he wanted to be in the future.




Roy was a good friend to Philip but was not his lover. Philip told me that Roy was like a father to him.
Roy was older and he liked young boys, but with Philip it was special friendship. Roy enjoyed when other people of gay community thought that Philip and he were together.
This picture of Roy & me was taken in 1996.

Roy also told me that he was shown past life where He and Philip were gladiators in Rome and they were very intolerant towards gay man than, so now in this life they needed to learn this karma lesson.


For me it was also a lesson of accepting people as they are because I never new gay man and I was learning not to be judgmental about sexuality.



When Philip was in hospital days before he died I went to church, and ask God if what I was feeling for Philip was Love or Compassion. The voice said: You have to find this answer inside.
I was wondering about this and now I think that it was both.
This picture of Philip was taken on his birthday 15 March 1995 in Gold Coast hospital .

When in hospital Philip & I listened to radio that was plying the song ‘I will always Love you’ by Whitney Huston.
Philip turned to me and said; when I am gone this song is for you and I like you to play it on my funeral’.

I heard this song on radio again not long ago. If you hear it it’s Philip saying hello to you too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGC003Xz3CY&NR=1

1-Philip with brother Brendan & Family

This blog is dedicated to Philip Nelson, his dog Spike and Philip's friend Roy Harries.
They have pass on from this life but are remembered here. Roy told me that I will write about them one day.

I wrote some posts on another website before but now feel guided to create this blog in their memory.


In 1993 I was learning and practicing crystal balancing therapy and meditation as my hobby. My friend Alina introduced me to Philip Nelson who had Aids and was experimenting with different unconventional therapy treatments to heal his body. We become friends and lovers as our emotional connection grew stronger.




Philip was a patient at Prince Alfred hospital when his family arrived from Adelaide on 8 March 95 and took him to change the Will that He made 3 years earlier. On that day Philip introduced me to his family and we had some pictures taken before they took him back to hospital.


On this picture I'm seating next to Philip with dog Spike and his brother Brendan Nelson.

On second picture Philip is with his family:
sister Tracey, mum Patricia and her boyfriend  Eric McCauely
on other side of Philip is brother Brendan and father Desmond Nelson